Growing old together...

I hope to grow old with my husband, Paul. There are no guarantees. It's an amazing accomplishment when marriages last, 25, 30, 40, 50 and 60 years. My parents celebrate 60 years of marriage on April 6, 2012. They have had a good and loving marriage. Although Alzheimer's has taken so much from my mother, it has yet to take her love for my father. She lights up when he enters the room and pucker ups for a kiss. She likes to hold his hand. They have grown old together and it's good.  Happy 60th Anniversary Mom and Dad.

Swiss cheese

A friend of mine, whose mother had Alzheimer's disease, told me that Alzheimer's is like swiss cheese. She explained that sometimes or some days they are on the cheese and seem fine but then other times or days they are in the holes. As the disease progresses, they spend more and more time in the holes, and less time on the cheese. We found this illustration to be true. My mother's disease has progressed to the point that now, she spends most of her time in the holes.

Do we have a daughter named Lynda?

As the disease progressed, I knew the day would come when my mother wouldn't know me.  I didn't like testing her, so often, I would enter the room and say "hi mom, it's me, Lynda, I'm your daughter". She usually would smile and seem pleased to see me and make a comment like it's so nice to see you. She sometimes called me by name. When quized, she could sometimes figure it out. Many times she would refer to my sister and I as her sisters. It wasn't till later that we realized she had just lost the word daughter and was susbstituting the word daughter for sister.

Then one day, it happened.. I knelt next to her, and I said, (I remember it so clearly), " hi mom, it's me, Lynda, I am your daughter". She looked at my father and asked, "Do we have a daughter named Lynda?" He looked at me and said "yes, we do". Then my mom looked at me, smiled and said "ok". She was satisfied with his answer. I smiled and tried not to cry. All along and  even still, my mother has looked to my father for re-assurance and confirmation during her illness. He has been absolutely wonderful with her. She trusts him. The one thing you need when you have Alzheimer's is someone you can trust.  That was a very sad day for me. I cried most of the way home. I am so glad that even months later, mom still knows Dad.

Heritage, the good, the bad, the ugly....

I grew up in a home where my parents strived to obey God and love Jesus. I too, love Jesus and strive to obey God and attempted to pass that along to my kids and grandchildren. I have a wonderful heritage where my family passed on their love for God. That's been a good thing. My dad can trace family all the way back to the Mayflower. 

Not so good stuff, that we have passed along is over eating. My mom has struggled with her weight her whole adult life. Me too, always striving to get to that healthy weight. I'm not talking about that skinny , perfect weight but a healthy weight.  Poor eating habits were passed to my kids and grand kids :( This makes me so sad. I'm working to change that by example, of living a healthy lifestyle now.
Diseases seen in our family are  ovarian cancer, testicular cancer, hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes and now Alzheimer's.  Alzheimer's is by far the most devastating.  It is a disease that kills the mind while allowing the body to remain alive. 

Fear

I have fear. Fear, that I will also get Alzheimer's . My sibling share this fear. I have two close friends whom mothers also have had Alzheimer's. They share this fear. My sister gave me the news that someone with a mother with Alzheimer's Disease is 40% more likely to get it. I haven't looked it up, I hope she is wrong. We've often joked that we could all be together in one home, but the sad thing is, we won't know each other. That, at least would make visiting easier, beacause visiting is hard. 

So what to do to be proactive and preventative ..... 
"They" say that learning something new later in life helps, so I'm hoping that nursing school qualifies for that. Exercising mind and body helps, so I have recently lost weight and try to exercise every day. I play words with friends with my sister in the morning and at night. We usually have 10+ games going. Healthy eating helps, so I have just completed a nutrition course. Treating  depression aggressively is supposed to help and any one with Alzheimer's probably is pretty depressed over it.  One friend just saw a study that says nicotine improves cognitive abilities, so we all might go out and get the patch and give it a try or not.... Being social helps, so we do enjoy being social!  Alzheimer's is not so much painful physically but it very painful emotionally. It affects relationships like no other disease.

My mom doesn't know me anymore...

My mother has Alzheimer's disease. It is a terrible disease. It's sad and heart breaking. Relationships are hurt. It was during the earlier stages when my mother was angry and difficult, that I first had this thought that I should write a book to myself on what I should do if I get Alzheimer's. I felt like there should be guidelines for living with this disease. I want to make it easier for my children if we have to deal with this disease again. There have been times that are pretty funny, and people would say " you could write a book"...now if I can just remember those stories...haha, I hope to write them down. Well, instead of a book, journal or whatever, I'm starting with a private blog. I don't know where to begin so I'm going to list some subjects and use it as a start
Confabulation
Denial
Driving or not
Anger
Confusion
Enjoy what you can
Living with Alzheimer's
Dying of Alzheimer's
List for me
Cruises
Poop and pee
Falls
Getting lost - sitting in a stranger's apt
missing
repeat, triggers.this is delicious, can I have the recipe?
unrealisic expectations, ie Florida, Colorado
Do we have a daughter named Lynda?
Holidays
Progressive care
Long term care
Diapers/Depends
Dentures missing/broken
Braless
Aides
Crying on the Merritt
Brown Bear
Lack of support from doctors and mom's friends
Losing words- daughter
Looking for me
Acceptance
Content and pleasant
Two thoughts, bed or bathroom
Sparkle, hugs like she loves me, I love you too
Missing mom
Caring for dad
Fear