Easter Lily

This post is written by my sister. I'm hoping this is the beginning of many guest posts.

We all have had pivotal moments in our lives when we have an awakening. Situations can be so obvious in some ways and other times life has to hit you in the face. Alzheimer's has a way of catching you off guard sometimes.

I have been very allergic to various flowers all my life, especially Easter lilies. Spring brings with it beautiful lilacs, flowering trees and bushes, and Easter lilies. I spend weeks sneezing and avoiding the fragrances of spring.

Several years ago I arrived home to find a huge beautiful Easter lily on my kitchen table with a card leaning up against it. I asked my husband where it came from with thoughts that I needed to get it out of my house as soon as possible. He shook his head with a little bit of regret and told me to open the card. My mind was searching for who would send me such a gift as ANYONE who has known me knows of my allergies.

 "Well it has to be some one who doesn't know me!" I opened the card and was confused when I saw it was from my mom and started to cry, realizing right away, like a slap, that all our fears about her were true.

 I went to thank her (they were living in our in-law apt at the time.) I thanked her for the beautiful lily and ended with "I don't know if I can keep it in the house." With a confused look, she asked "Why?" I answered with "because of my allergies."  Her flat response; "I never knew you had allergies." For years my mom had always bought me purple tulips at Easter (her favorite color.)

Over the years I have planted them and each spring I am reminded of the mother, my mother, that knew I was allergic to Easter lilies.

Taking a break...

Sometimes, life doesn't let you take a break...but once in a while it does and it's such a gift! Breaks are good. I am on a break right now.  Time off from work, time off from regular life. Although I love caring for my grandkids, it's a break from that, too. I miss them a lot, Skyping has helped some.  My husband and I are on a ski vacation.  Today is a rainy day which actually makes a good day for knees to recover and to catch up with stuff. The weather has been outstanding and the snow awesome. The music festival has been a total treat as one of our favorites was here - Michael Franti.  It's been good to catch up on sleep, read, exercise and really relax. It's comforting to know my sister and brother are checking in on Mom and Dad and the girls are helping each other out with babysitting while I'm gone. It's wonderful to be with my best friend 24/7 doing what we love to do together - ski.

Confabulation

con·fab·u·la·tion (kn-fby-lshn) n. The unconscious filling of gaps in one's memory by fabrications that one accepts as facts.

It was five years ago when I first heard the word confabulation. I was sitting in a psychology lecture in nursing school. My instructor was explaining that confabulation happens when someone fills in the blank of a missing memory and believes it to be true. It is different than lying. I remember calling my sister and saying that we have a word for what mom does. It had been months, if not years, that my mother covered her memory issues. She covered very well for a very long time. My mom has a Masters degree in education, a smart women who could use logic to fill in her gaps. There were subtle things - things that didn't make sense or just mixed messages - the appearence  of lying.  My sister and I would compare stories and discover things that Mom said we did or said we said had not, in fact, happened. Her friends hadn't figured out that anything was wrong. Even mom's doctor didn't believe her memory issues were anything but age related. It was the discovery of confabulation that made us realize that something was really, really wrong with mom.

Bunny rabbits....

There was a time that my my mom was a repeater. She would repeat stories over and over.  And I mean over and over.  Once they moved to their current residence, (a progressive care/assisted living facility), an old story became a new "repeat". When I was 4, my mother dressed me up like a bunny and took me to this very same nursing home to visit the residents. She would go on and on about me hopping around. It was a sweet memory for her. A bit embarrassing for me to be the topic of her rambling story in which she would just interject in a normal conversation. My mother was losing the ability to have spontaneous conversation so she used her files of stories as conversation. Some fit but most were out of context of the conversation. Each story was told exactly the same. Some were true, some were made up with mixed information.

So there we were celebrating my parents 60th Anniversary, two days before Easter. My daughter and grandchildren had made the trip with me. So what did we do? We let them hop around the nursing home wearing bunny ears, bringing smiles to my mom and the other residents. Just like she did with me and my brother. A good investment of time. It was amazing how much old people enjoy seeing the children. Good memories. Who knows? Maybe it will be a story that I repeat. 

                                                              Four generations