Missing Mom

I miss my Mom...

1. I miss talking to her. She loved talking on the phone and was really good at calling all of us and staying in touch.

2. I miss shopping with her. She loved to shop. She had tons of energy and could shop till I dropped. She was my best shopping buddy.

3. I miss her visits. Mom and Dad travelled to our home on a regular basis, sharing most holidays. There is a void at family gatherings.

4. I miss her advice, especially on kid stuff. I would love her opinion and input.

5. I miss her  touch. She doesn't usually hug back anymore.

6. I miss her voice. She doesn't talk much anymore. She used to repeat I love you, when I said it but not anymore.

7. I miss the way she used to gather us. Now we are on our own. She was really  good at keeping everyone connected with each other. I haven't talked with my aunts in a really long time. I am going to try harder.

8. I miss her gift of giving. I find my self buying things for my grandkids because it looks like something she would buy for them.

9. I miss how she took care of dad. He is doing fanstatic, but her input is missing.

10. I miss her love and the way she made me feel. I know she loves me but this disease doesn't allow her to show it much. However, at Christmas she gave us kisses and a wave, which was so sweet. It was the highlight of our visit.

11. I miss watching her love on my kids and grandkids.

12. I miss her encouragement when I'm sick or down or discouraged.

I have had a wonderful life with a wonderful loving mother. If your mama is alive, cherish every moment.  Give her the gift of spending time together.  Hug her and tell her you love her!

Lost and Found

Mom pushing her great granddaughter in her walker. 7/09

Mom being pushed in her wheelchair by her great granddaughters. 7/11

At some point most people with Alzheimer's Disease have problems with wandering or getting lost. Unfortunately, it can end badly. However, some of these stories, however troubling, are a bit amusing. They can be the red flags that signal a new look at keeping the person safe.  There was a time when my mother was able to follow a routine. On Friday mornings at 9:30, my father would go to the store to grocery shop or do errands. At 10:00, my mother would walk to get her hair done.

As her memory issues progressed and physically had more trouble, she needed a prompt to go at the right time and the assistance of an escort. She moved from walking, to the use of a walker, to use of a wheelchair. She got scolded several times for sitting in her walker and scooting along.  She had trouble remembering not to sit and scoot, so someone decided to take the seat off. But then she would forget and sit in it anyway. This was not a good thing.  In order for dad to continue his routine we hired an escort for mom. The aide would make sure mom safely got to her appointment on time. My father would pick her up after her appointment and walk with her back to the apartment.

Then on one day my father returned from the store to learn that mom was missing. When the aide went to get her, she was not in the apartment. She must have remembered to go to the hairdresser after my father left but had forgotten to wait for the escort. She never made it to the hairdresser. Eventually, a couple came home to their apartment to find my mother sitting in their living room and called the assisted living line. Mom was sitting on a couch in a stranger's apartment. She must have gotten lost,  got tired,  found an unlocked door,  went in and sat down. Once she was sitting on the couch, she couldn't get up. (She was at that time using a lift/recliner chair in their apt).  I'm not sure mom ever understood that she got lost. It didn't seem to upset her. It ended fine. Everyone made adjustments, including the couple who left their door unlocked.

It wasn't long after this that mom fell, broke her ankle and ended up in rehab and, ultimately, a permanent placement in the nursing home part of the complex. She has had an extremely hard time finding her room so she was often found in other people's bathrooms or beds - so much so they nicknamed her Goldilocks. It seems that after about a year this happens less frequently but there were months that went by that every time we came to visit mom, she was missing. This was a really upsetting phase but this, too, has seemed to pass. There was one evening when my dad came to visit and, not finding mom, they put out an alert for her. Security even went to dad's apartment to look for her in case she had made it up there. She was finally found in a staff bathroom. After that, she wore a sensor  for about six months. She doesn't try to escape as some do. She basically  has two thoughts:  "I want to lay down so my back feels better" or "I have to go to the bathroom". Now, we mostly find her sleeping in bed. Perhaps there will be GPS attachments for missing patients in the future.