Unrealistic expectations...

Unrealistic expectations and denial are obstacles in helping someone with Alzheimer's.

One Christmas I decided that I would set aside a week to take my parents to Florida. They had gone several times a few years back and had talked about going again but it never materialized. They had many friends there. I gave them this gift at Christmas. Their response was surprising. My mom didn't understand why I would want to go with them. They didn't need me and when they went they wanted to go for 3 weeks not just one week. I had hoped to take them while they could still travel but they said no and they didn't go on their own either.

Florida

 Later that year my husband and I offered to take them to Nova Scotia, Canada, My mom's parents were from there. My mom had talked about taking us girls there for decades. We had gone as children. My mom had stayed in touch with cousins. We thought they would love to go but they said no, because they wanted to go to Colorado to help her sister with her grandchildren. While well intentioned, it was unrealistic that they/she could help.  I actually tried to set up a trip, in which I could take them for a visit, and my aunt said please don't come. She was too overwhelmed to have a visit at that time. My husband and I went to Nova Scotia and Cape Breton Island by ourselves. We met up with some cousins, which made Mom happy. It was hard to understand why they wouldn't let me help but looking back I think there was comfort in staying in their routine and familiar environment/home and some fear in traveling. She was still very much in denial. It's unfortuate as we could have had some really nice trips together.

Cabot Trail, Cape Breton Island

I drafted this post awhile ago. Reflecting back now, I realize that when my parents first wanted to travel with us, my life was so busy, I couldn't find the time. Now that our kids are grown, unfortunately it's too late. I regret not making more time for them. I wish I had realized how important it is to capture the moment and spend all the time you can together, when you can.